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Itwas after that which I really confronted mom face to face. Told herstraight out that I would rather be a girl than a boy. She went shock asshe pondered her feelings about it. Her response was soon to buy me abunch of books on gay life style and the dangers of getting aids. Sheeven said she talked to a priest at church who was very disapproving ofthe whole thing. All this resulted in was my filling the sink andsticking my electric razor under water in an attempt to electrocutemyself.When I went off to college I started using to the library computer totry to understand myself better. I learned that there was a differencebetween being gay and who I was. I always knew that even though Ithought guys were cute, my feelings had nothing to do with wanting tosleep with guys. It was about me and how I saw my own body and self.That I wasn't gay but a transsexual wishing that I was in the girl'sdorm instead of the boy's dorm.It was also around this time that I first told my mother straight. "Go ahead and grab that empty seat, Jr Commander," Daddy directed Maleezaas they boarded. "Commander Howell, is this everyone?" Yes Sir," she answered."Captain Martin, get us airborne and set course for Kelvin Nine," hedirected.I looked at Maleeza where she sat with Randi, their heads togetherwhispering.Then just after Martin kicked in the star drive, Daddy stood up."You thirty Cadets have been chosen as the first crew for the testing anddevelopment of IMA Star. Jr Commander Shore, would you and Jr CommanderPierce care to fill them in?" he asked. They stopped their whisperingthen and began paying attention.Then he began in earnest filling us in on what was happening.I could hardly believe that my sister and Randi were being made JuniorCommanders over the Driving Crew. But I, was in command of the rest ofthe crew, the troops. Major Howell was the overall Transport Commander incharge of everyone though. Daddy was just going along as the AcademyCommandant.After a few minutes of almost.
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